Dear Forever Alone

Forever Alone Writes:


How can I get girls to like me?




Dear Forever Alone,


Usually when one asks that sort of question, one or more of several things can be infered. 1. You have an extensive collection of pokemon cards/magic cards/or one of the other vagina repelling card games. 2. You live in your parents basement and have been "between jobs" for the last several decades. 3. You work as a greeter for wal-mart. And/or 4. You do not understand the mechanics of the vagina, it is akin to astro physics to you. If you said "thats me" to any one of these things, don't fear... I have help. If you said yes to 1: Put down the cards! Walk away slowly. Go to the local gym and start your excersize. Don't be afraid of sunlight... also... maybe try to move somewhere that no one knew you played children's cards games. 2: Get a job you fucking bum... shower/shave/brush the fuzz off your teeth. Great things are not handed to you, they are earned through hard work and ingenuity *pulls her 'dad' glasses down on her nose and looks over the top* Fucking hippies. 3: Call up your dentist and tell him he's a bitch... also... consider joining a biker gang. Those women may look like they've been run over by a bus or two, and left out to bake in the hot desert sun until their skin turns to beef jerky... but hey... its vag right? RIGHT! 4: I understand its hard to ask your woman what she wants when she keeps popping all the time, but well... there is always porn. Glorious porn... Hmmm what? Sorry... right... advice... so yea... there you have it. Lower your standards to nothing and you'll be fine :) 


Happy Porking!